Chuunibyou and My Dark Past

Chuunibyou poses

I’m going to be completely vulnerable here… I have a very embarrassing belief about myself in the past but I’m going to share it anyway because I think it’s worth sharing, and it might be funny…??

Yes I had a chuunibyou phase. Well at least according to what anime described it, I’m pretty sure I was one of the victims. If you don’t know what chuunibyou is, it’s a state when you have delusional beliefs of yourself and usually think you’re some kind of a superhero. Now I don’t remember much about my childhood and I certainly don’t remember much about what I believe I was but there’s one thing that sticks to me until now. And whenever I think about it, I can only feel like punching myself in the freaking stomach.

When I was 13, I was pretty much obsessed(?) with the terminator movies. At that time there were only three movies and I was first I introduced to the series of movies by watching the second movie. Chronologically, I actually watched the second movie, third and then the first.

terminator real

Then, I’d play with my siblings pretending that I was the bad terminator and my little sister was the good terminator trying to protect our even younger brother and sister because they played as a normal human beings. I mean, they’re much smaller than us so they’re not strong, just like the humans who were helpless against the terminators… yeah pretty awesome logic right there! I’m impressed I adapted it from a movie to real life situation….

The thing is, it spread to the outside world… whenever I walked out (to school especially), I didn’t just pretend to be a terminator, I actually BELIEVED that I was a terminator. I would play it by myself without anyone else knowing and without telling anyone that I played as a terminator (because my true identity was a secret) so I would actually stare at everyone in my sight. I could tell that they were all weirded out by my staring… I mean I was staring daggers at every single one of them, believing that I was scanning for an enemy, potentially the other terminator who also poses as a normal human being.

Terminator

That was all cool and all if I didn’t involve anyone else right? Welp, that’s not exactly true. You see, the funny part was that sometimes, I would deliberately bump into people in order to get a reaction out of them (and in order for them to reveal their true identity) but as soon as they looked at me, I instantly became terrified at them. What a terminator I was… Then I would bow a bit for an apology, a typical reaction of a shy coward person and then walk away from them. After I was sure that they were no harm to me anymore, I would convince myself that my cowardice was ALSO an act and that I was actually a super tough indestructible terminator… I know right? I was a freaking loser… I still am.

I can’t really remember how I stopped but I stopped playing it in the same year,  after I made some friends at that time. I didn’t stop playing straight away obviously. I’m pretty sure I played it for only a couple of months and then spontaneously and gradually stopped. Welp in any case, that phase of my life was pretty interesting. Now that was all before I discovered anime so anime was not at fault here. I don’t really know what influenced me to think of myself as a freaking terminator… but I did…

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